Apparently, the folk over on Fet are very into protecting trash. Any kind of trash. And censorship. Lots of censorship. So since I feel I have every right to tell any of my peeps what happened I am redirecting traffic over here where their censors have no say. For those of you who know the local people involved, here ya go:
Two years ago, or there approximate, I had some conversations with some older locals about what this area really needed to get off the ground. The results of those conversations led me to a long period of trying to figure ideas out and squirreling away resources for later when I had. At the end of that time period, I approached the community in a different way, a way in which I was looking for a place to put what I had gained. I had knowledge, experience, and resources all I needed was someone to know which direction to direct them.
At that time, MALL, or more importantly it’s founder Poetic Dominant, was the main person who had something going and some ideas for more, the primary concern of course being to make the parties everyone wanted happen. And so my relationship with MALL and this community began in earnest.
PD, Adorable, Mr Bear and I spent many an evening in my living room or garage planning out what we wanted to host and do. I wasn’t ready to host the first demo back in winter so I paid for a hotel location picked out by PD and Adorable and off we went on our first foray into it. Together. While, I never considered myself a leader of MALL, as I would have paired with anyone willing to do some activities, I absolutely was made to feel a part of MALL and absolutely concerned myself with its needs and the needs of its leader. It never really occurred to me MALL would be the only group I worked with. I thought surely that as soon as MALL was up and going people would want to do other things as well. But that didn’t seem to be the case, so on I went with MALL.
As the months went by, I can’t recall a single request I refused. I really wanted to see us get somewhere here in Jackson. I really wanted to see a playspace and a budding and growing community with events and excitement and things for people to both learn from and have fun with. I greeted numerous members of our community and tried my best, even when my health didn’t want to cooperate, to see to their needs at least as long as they were in my territory. But as the months went by it also struck me how sweet people were to my face versus how vicious they could be later. It genuinely hurt my feelings to be spoken about the way I was by people who had smiled at me, shook my hand, and acted like everything was ok.
This should have been my first red flag. But I continued on because of course after two years of effort I didn’t want to stop at that point! Bit by bit though I got flashes of how people really thought and acted. I didn’t much care for it and while I was perfectly happy to continue assisting MALL in whatever way PD needed I didn’t really want to be involved with those players so I began to leave. Except, on my way out the door a small subset of members asked that I please do this one thing. They’d like this group done, they told me about what they wanted and so I did it. After all, why not? Give the community something to work with and it will do, right? Again, I have tried to fulfill every request made of me because mostly they weren’t silly requests.
The night of May 2nd, a Friday night preceding the first MALL play party Poetic Dominant and Clapping1Hand came over to pick up some napkins and probably something else I’m forgetting for the next day’s party. Mr Bear and I not only helped clean the party space a bit but we were deep into fixing some nasty stuff under the Lair so we were tired and dirty and mostly stared in utter shock when Poetic Dominant proceeded to move from conversing about some conversation to the most sickening conversation about rape and consent that I think I have ever participated in. I was tired but it’s still no excuse for not telling him how wrong he was that evening. I’m not proud of having chosen the path of least confrontation that evening and if there’s anything I have to apologize for, it’s that. Mr. Bear and I went in in silence and proceeded to try to process the crap we’d just heard. We discussed what we should do, did we try to talk to PD later? Do we just chalk it up to southern raising and try to convince ourselves he didn’t mean that crap? We honestly weren’t sure what to do because frankly he made his thoughts, though unasked for, very clear.
PD and Adorable came by the day after the party to return my vacuum cleaner but I think we all felt rough and it did not seem the time to begin a huge conversation on something so important as consent and a woman’s right to say no. It twinged at me that because she wasn’t present for the last conversation it would be rude to start in about it in front of her. I wasn’t sure, mind you, I just wondered about the ethics of that. Would that be taken as some sort of relationship subversion? I didn’t know and again, we were all so beat, I decided to get some advice and maybe tackle it later. I explain this because I think there are people who have been led to believe some real bullshit and I would like to be hated for stuff I actually did not stuff someone made up.
For the next few weeks people whom I had seen no less than once a week made themselves very scarce. I’d see events they went to posted online and say hi on those posts but mostly I wasn’t engaged like I once was and there certainly was no more coming over planning events and brain storming ideas. I especially wasn’t sure what to think when after our last exchange online PD didn’t answer me he just went and posted that weird post about he and Shana being the only MALL leadership. That was weird, I have to say, and any standing I thought I had as friend and/or MALL associate, or helper, felt ripped out from under me. After all, I never posed as MALL leadership. I told anyone that and many a time I recall referring people to PD after telling them what I knew. I don’t think anyone seriously thought I was MALL leadership or had the right to speak for PD. I don’t recall anyone asking me to speak for him. Slowly as time passed, and nothing further came, that post looked more and more weird and I felt more like maybe it wasn’t even my place to have those discussions anymore.
There were some strange happenings in those weeks. Including people getting disproportionately upset with things that really should not have been an issue and some very odd inquiries that I knew were not kosher. It didn’t take me long to find out exactly how much had been going on behind my back, because people after all, are not excellent secret keepers. I’m not shocked and I am shocked. I’m conflicted on should I have expected all this.
But what I am sure of is that life is too short. Waayyyy too short. Regardless of what PD thinks of me, MALL is being left in a good spot. They have a space that does not rely on me, (a space with ample parking!) and a bit of money in the kitty. That’s all we had headed towards anyway. The group I was asked to start is being left in the very capable hands of AndreaB21. It was her idea to bring back the midnight munch and I find it completely appropriate that she have it.
No one, is being screwed or left in a bind by my leaving. Those of you that are my friends know full well how to contact me and that you will have my support at any time. Bring a project to me, I don’t have to be on Fet to be able to figure out how to help you launch it.
I do have some friends that I made here that I value immensely. But I also had some horrible experiences. I just don’t care to pretend that all that’s ok with me. There are some people in this community that I think are pretty shitty. I don’t like how they treat anyone, let alone me. They are trash and I just feel like as easy as they are to ignore that life is too short to engage with that sort at all, ever. There’s another layer of people who aren’t really bad but they aren’t very good either. I’d sort of describe them as cowards. Not evil, just lacking in the ability to call a spade a spade. I don’t much care for that especially if getting along with them also entails that I not call the spade a spade. Again, life is too short. I have too many real friends and too many real passions and too much to accomplish to be slowed down by indecisive and or dishonest people.
I realize the vast majority of you fit into neither of those groups and are just trying to navigate your way through the community. I have no advice for you except to know when to say when.
This is when I say when. I am removing myself from most of this community. I have other people and passions to pursue that don’t require quite so much ability to fawn over the Emperor’s New Clothes as this does right now. I am constantly available to those of you who would like to access what I am good at. Most of you have my contact information, please use it because I likely will not return here in any meaningful way.
I wish you the best of luck and may the force be with you.
PS I assume Fet will provide the cowardly and childish among us with avoidance ability again so if anyone wants to see an unedited version of this simply cruise on over to my website:
I don’t think it’s all that wrong a characterization to say I’m shocked that someone who just a few weeks ago was asking me for help is now so unable to act like an adult that they run to the monitors to help them instead of just realizing that people have the right to speak the truth whether you like it or not. I am glad however, that I see people for who they are. It’s a sad wad of information but it’s information I needed.